Thursday, 21 September 2017

I made it! I am at University and currently sat in my student flat with my 4 flat mates, on my 5th day living and studying in Bournemouth. 

Back in February I finally made my mind up and decided to apply to University after 3 years of not knowing what to do. Everything slotted into place, I chose Bournemouth and before I knew it I was packing up all of my things and making the 4 hour journey from Cornwall to Bournemouth. 

I couldn't be happier that I took that massive leap of faith and went for it. For every year after I finished college, I applied to go to University and always withdrew my application because it wasn't right and I wasn't ready, I wrote all about this in my 'I Put my Life on Hold for 3 Years' post and all about why I took such a long gap. 

All my flat mates and I moved in on the weekend and we have been into uni and been out and its been so good. I was really worried about my anxiety but it has been fine and I think I have been so lucky with my flat mates as they are all pretty chilled out. 

We'd moved into a pretty grubby flat and don't quite look at the walls or floor for too long  because it is all unidentifiable and I don't even want to think about it too much, it's there, it is what it is. 

Apart from that I have been into Uni for 2 days for introductory lectures, so I met a few of my course mates, and the best thing about uni is that you can just talk to anyone and become friends with them straight away because everyone is in the same boat. 

I will try and update this blog as much as possible!

Thankyou for reading and I will see you soon,

from Beth xxx


Wednesday, 13 September 2017

(As always an irrelevant photo from a walk the other day- but fuck it I'll include Autumn in this favourites.)

This is going to be a bit different from my previous favourites blog posts, I don't even think I am going to include any beauty... I know.

These are just going to be some of the random things I can't get enough of right now and I think you need to get involved too.

To kick things off, it has to be my ultimate binge this Summer, My Dad Wrote a Porno *pause for applause*

I love podcasts and listen to them as I get ready in the morning, but this one beats them all. I know I'm late to the party as it is one of the top charted podcasts but I was always like wtf is that but when I finally gave it a listen I was hooked. I don't even know how much context I want to give you because I had none and it was perfect. 

There is 3 books in total and each is read out and commented on a chapter at a time, in between the chapters are footnotes, where they have celebrities like Nicholas Hoult & Michael Sheen on to talk about it. It is literal pure gold and I am worried what I'm going to listen to once I reach the end of this series.

Ok, ok before you say anything, I was too was devastated when it got shipped over to Channel 4, but I still love it, I mean come on, Noel Fielding, need I say more? Anything where I get to watch Noel Fielding AND cake every week has got my vote. 

Letter's to my Fanny by Cherry Healy has been one of the best books I have read this year. If you liked Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman (who didn't?!) then you will love this too. I read this in 2 days and then forced my friend's to read it too, I am loving like that.

Another programme I haven't been able to stop watching is It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. 
My friend recommended I watched it and managed to convince me after she told me each episode was only 20 minutes long, I know that's great, but means totally binge worthy. It is just hilarious and I love Charlie, each episode is completely ridiculous and I love it. 

 I am also loving Hozier's album, especially Cherry Wine, which I thought was super beautiful song until I looked it up and realised it was bit more sinister but I still love the song and have had it on repeat for days. It is very easy listening and I love this type of acoustic music, it has vibes of Ed Sheehan and Bon Ivor. 

I downloaded the headspace app after going to hypnotherapy and my friend also recommend it to me. It just helps you to relax for 5 minutes where it talks you through some guided meditation and explains how to feel at ease with stress and your thoughts. I don't use it everyday but I still like it and find it really useful.

Other random things I have been loving recently is Peppermint tea, you will definitely feel healthy after drinking that shit let me tell ya. Specsavers, also great. Got a new pair of glasses for £25, pretty impressed with that. Ur what else is floating my boat right now.. biscuits, biscuits are great. 

What are you enjoying this month, anything random like me that you need to get off your chest? Thanks for reading as always! 

From, Beth xx

Hypnotherapy & Anxiety

Monday, 11 September 2017

I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago that I had begun hypnotherapy to help with my anxiety. I wanted to share the experience with you.

I have always had a phobia of being sick, which has resulted in having OCD in the past, however I never really think it left, which in turn has manifested into panic attacks and anxiety. I could always manage it, as best I could, I would have a panic attack but could calm myself down, until 2015. I came out of a horrible emotionally abusive relationship, and one day anxiety just hit me like a tonne of bricks and I haven't been the same since.

It just spiralled out of control after that, I have documented some of my experiences on this blog, I find writing things down and talking to people in similar circumstances really helps. The best way I articulated how I felt was in My Letter to Anxiety.  It was like a constant tug of war, I wanted to do so many things but my anxiety was cruel and stopped me, if I did, I would have to leave early, and would have panic attack on top of panic attack. The worst moment for me was a night when I paced back and forth in my room, I was panicking so much I had made myself sick with worry which in turn made me feel worse, it was one of the worst nights of my life and all I had done was go for a few drinks with my friends.

It basically started to control my life, and it was so scary that I would do anything not to feel the consequences of it.

As you can imagine, no one wants to live in constant fear of your own mind/body, I wanted to get better so I looked into my options and settled on hypnosis. Two of my friend's have had it before and swore to me that it helped them, and I was about to give anything a go, so I found someone local and booked an appointment. 

I had 4 sessions overall, and today was my last one. 

Before, I was so nervous about going along, I was worried I would change too much, I couldn't imagine living without anxiety and a phobia, I have thought in a particular way for such a long time, it's hard to imagine thinking in any other way. 

Throughout the sessions, you talk through different ways of thinking and approaching a situation. They help you to understand why you may feel a certain way and look into the way the mind works and how we basically have to reprogram it. So whatever is pushing you over into a panic attack will no longer look scary and will be bearable.

The actual hypnosis feels like you are asleep, you are still conscious and aware of your own thoughts but it sort of feels cloudy in your mind. For me, my body felt heavy, like that feeling when you are really relaxed before waking up. 

I have found the techniques I have been taught to be really useful, although I haven't really used them in practise yet because I haven't been in the position of feeling super anxious. 
I do feel though that if I was to be I would find it easier to calm down without having a panic attack. It has made me feel much more confident about dealing with stressful situations and I am glad I did it. 

Also, I have also been using the Headspace app and still have medication for my anxiety.

I wouldn't say I am cured, I don't really know if anxiety, phobia & OCD ever really gets 'cured' but it can be managed and it doesn't need to control your life.

Let me know any therapies you have chosen or if you would consider hypnotherapy because I find it really interesting. 

Also if you would like to ask me anymore questions at all about my experience then feel free to DM me on twitter :)

Thankyou for reading and I will keep you all updated!

Beth x